melissaphobia?

Melissaphobia?

For all intents and purposes, a severe and most definitely irrational melissaphobia, Apis mellifera in particular, has affected most aspects of my life. To abrogate such a fear has proven quite fruitless. I have suffered through boring and expensive sessions of hypnosis, wax therapy and acupuncture, all to no avail. I haven’t even opened a jar of honey for twenty-five years! As a more recent example, I was on a perfunctory family-reunion trip to Belmopan, the capital city of Belize. While it is fair to say that my senses were like a yo-yo while I was recovering from jet lag, I still should have been considerably more concerned with avoiding the native brown recluse spider. Even though several members of my family bear the scars of this arachnoid foe, all I could focus on was drowning out the ubiquitous buzzing in my ears.
It was my half-sister’s quixotic suggestion that we take a hike to the local Maya Mountains. She said I could try a little mental quid pro quo, maybe lose the jitters I get from the mere thought of bees and instead distract myself with acrophobia or even mild altitude sickness. As a last resort to convince me, she mentioned that most bees avoid congregating too high above sea level, since they need to maintain their high body temperature. Don’t be ridiculous, I rebuked, there have been bee sightings in the Himalayan Mountains. That put her in her place. No sir. I preferred to do as I do every long February 29th weekend, and that is to sit in my hotel room during the day reading field guides and ancient manuscripts about local bee culture in rural South America. I have found that intensive reading and transcendental meditation does help to sooth my nerves while I suffer through these insufferable quadrennial gatherings. I was even able to sleep that first night without dreaming about attacking a swarm of bloodthirsty honeybees, the first time since junior high.
Lasting relief came when I least expected it. It was 3 a.m. on Monday, and I was casually flipping through Germany’s 2006 Der Bee Spiegel, when I noticed a fact that had completely escaped my knowledge after all this time. Apis mellifera don’t sting at all! For all intents and purposes, making honey is their life! I immediately opened my laptop and began to research voraciously about the Honeybee Genome Sequencing Consortium.
What originally masqueraded as melissaphobia was actually apiphilia! My mother was right when she told me at age ten that I seemed to be abnormally fascinated with bees. What can I say? I have since started three local and six international chapters of individuals concerned about colony collapse disorder . After thirty long years, I can finally complete my epitaph.